The Good Life is a Complicated Life for Everybody

By Julie Isphording

It is unrealistic to be happy all the time—which sounds obvious—but the worldly message has become that ‘if you are not happy, you are not doing life right.’ Similarly, there is an idea that happiness is something you can achieve and then relax. 

Wrong—just wrong!

A good life is a complicated life for everybody. Nobody is happy all the time. Nobody is sad all the time. A good life is joyful and challenging—full of love, but also pain. Full of fun, but also full of routine.

Life’s hardest moments can bring moments of such overwhelming pain that it’s hard to imagine feeling okay again. Yet, a few hours later, you find yourself with your friends and family laughing, happy, and peaceful. 

We all struggle to hold grief and joy in both hands. And we always will. The same goes for success and failure, amazing moments and hard struggles, chaos and calm. But positive and negative emotions don’t cancel each other out, and you don’t have to be done with the bad to make space for the good. It’s common—and so human—to feel both at the same time.

The good life unfolds over time. Live it outrageously well. 

Why should we fall in love with failure? 

What if failure is not really failing at all? It is simply learning, adjusting, and wisdom for whatever comes next. The most successful people fail more because they try more. So, fall in love with failure and you remove its power over you.

What is one of the best things we can do for your health?

Read! Many people underestimate how much deliberate reading—even just 10 minutes a day—can improve our lives.

• You gain access to what other people have probably spent 10,000 hours researching and honing. 
• Reading is a shortcut to becoming smarter emotionally and intellectually. Aim to be wiser than you were yesterday!
• It’s such a simple, accessible activity. You can use pockets of time in the day to read a few pages—on your commute, during lunch, after dinner, and just before bed.
• If you can stack new knowledge every day for a solid year, that’s thirty-seven times accumulation and growth in just a single year.
• Most people see reading as a chore because they choose the wrong books. So, choose your books wisely to make reading a daily habit. Aim to be a lifelong learner.

If you’re thinking of doing something significant in your life. What are some gentle reminders? 

• Start small.
• Be patient.
• Think of it as an experiment.
• Do it the way only you could do it. 
• Find ways to take risk off the table.
• Define what success means to you.
• See adversity as an opportunity to find out of what you are capable.
• Keep going—behind mountains are more mountains—it doesn’t get easier, but you become more resilient. 

How can you make your day a little happier?

• Be open to new experiences.

Trying new things or pursuing new adventures can be fun and exciting. When you push yourself and get comfortable with being uncomfortable, you grow in healthy ways.

• Show gratitude.

Research shows that being thankful can make you happier. It turns what you have into enough! Make a list of things that make you happy each day. You could write about small or grandiose things — whatever comes to your mind.

• Do something challenging.

When you master a new skill that you really want to learn – rather than what others think you should learn—your mind stays active and your happiness increases. 

• Stop procrastinating.

When you get things done, you feel happier. An average person only lives 692,040 hours in a lifetime. You can’t get time back if you waste it. 

• Connect with someone.

Life isn’t meant to be lived alone. Connecting with others provides fulfillment in life. People matter. Together is better.

• Express physical affection.

Research shows that physical affection — a simple touch or a hug — increases your happiness. 

• Be kinder.

There’s a powerful relationship between how happy you are and how much you give to others. Acts of kindness make the recipient happy and make the giver happier. It’s all good.

• Exercise more.

Physical activity improves your memory and thinking. You’ll feel a sense of achievement, reduce your anxiety, improve your mood, and increase your energy. 

• Be more curious.

When you are curious, you recreate the joy you had as a child and you will keep learning and growing.

Before you say ‘yes’ and overcommit again, what should you ask yourself? 

• “What’s really involved here?” 

Quite often we will underestimate the real scope of something we agree to. “It won’t be that bad” we reason. But then it’s worse. Remember Hofstadter’s Law which says that things always take longer than you expect them to.

• “What’s the cost of saying ‘yes’?”

There will be a cost to every additional activity you say “yes” to. What new skills, resources, or assistance will you have to acquire? How much attention and energy gets diverted from something else? And is that “something else” significantly more important?

• “Is this on my ‘to-don’t’ list?”

Be aware of what stuff must not be in your life and why. Remembering the why is the key here—recall the emotions, pain, and price associated with taking on the kind of things you said you wouldn’t.

• “Can I give a different ‘yes’?”

We often say “yes” just because it’s so much easier than saying “no.” But you can have both empathy for the request and offer an alternative solution. This way you are showing your support in some other way, and it doesn’t require you to take on substantially more work.

Why is silence a good option in many situations?

A favorite quote of mine is attributed to Abraham Lincoln: “Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt.” Not everyone wants to hear your opinion. Before we speak, we should ask ourselves: Who does this benefit? Is this kind? Do I need to say it?

What are some wonderful reminders about a life well-lived?

• Always do the right thing. 
• You are not for everyone, and that is perfectly okay.
• Likewise, not everyone is for you.
• Love is not one thing, nor does it come from a single place.
• Time does not heal wounds, the steps we take to mend them do.
• It is okay to ask for help.
• Being alone does not mean you are unwanted; it is simply a state of being.
• Life is messy, unfair, and unpredictable, but it is also beautiful, and sometimes at the same time.
• Not everything happens for a reason, but you can learn something from all that has happened to you.
• You are loved.
• Even when you are feeling like the ugliest and meanest version of yourself, you still need to try and be kind; it is the only remedy.
• When in doubt, take a walk.
• You are beautiful and lovable to someone.
• It takes courage and strength to say goodbye to what is no longer good for you, even if you do so with sadness.
• Just because someone else gave up on you doesn’t mean that you must give up on you.
• A supportive friend is a gift. Give them your best. 
• A broken heart will mend in a beautiful way.
• Some people become our homes, some people are lessons, and some are just mean; the work is figuring out who is who.
• You become like the people you surround yourself with. Make good choices. 
• No one truly knows what they are doing.
• It does not matter if you are 18 or 61, you can call your parents if you need them.
• If you want to feel a jolt of happiness, smile at a stranger.
• You are not your past.
• Be kind and patient with yourself because you’re doing the best you can.
• Never be heard complaining.
• Put people first.
• Waste no time worrying about other people’s opinions. 
• Be strict with yourself and tolerant of others. 

Olympian Julie Isphording is the director of the Western & Southern Thanksgiving Day 10K Run/Walk, an author and keynote speaker. Her speeches on stage, in a classroom, or at a luncheon, include riveting videos, unforgettable props, lots of laughter and a few tears. If you need a keynote, Julie can be reached at Julie.isphording@gmail.com.