Peace is Already There — Deep Inside All of Us

by Julie Isphording

The awful feelings of stress, anxiety and unhappiness are simply part of living life in a messy, crazy, exciting, good, not-so-good and uncertain world. 

They are perfectly normal feelings. We all spend some portion of our day lost in overthinking all kinds of things. It is the human condition. 

However, there must be moments of peace — when the thoughts rest. This is the only way to stay happily balanced for even a little part of our day. And yes — YES — we can find those moments even in the middle of our worst days. 

The ocean provides a good analogy. At the surface, the water is constantly in motion. It never stops, even for a moment. But when you do deep down into the depths, there is stillness and peace. 

It’s the same with the mind. On the surface, the mind is always actively thinking but, in the depths of our heart, there is a natural peace and stillness that is unchanging and untouched by what’s going on at the surface. That beautiful peace is always present, always available and will never leave us. We are the ones who leave peace.

The issue is that some people are looking for peace where it can never be found — not good, lasting peace anyway. It’s a bit like losing our keys in the house and looking for them in the car. We’re never going to find them because they are not there.

What if, instead of spending years trying to fix ourselves and our wonderful, busy mind, we focus instead on making peace with the mind, just as it is? Afterall, we are not a problem to be fixed.

What if, rather than fighting and resisting fear, sadness, envy, or confusion we just accepted them as a part of life? And passionately believed that even though we can’t stop those bothersome thoughts from occurring, we can stop bothering about them.

How do we live better?

There’s no one right way to experience life, but there are hundreds of good ways. 

• Have one meaningful face-to-face conversation every day.

There’s no magic formula for how much social interaction we need to feel healthy, but it’s important to have a meaningful conversation — you’re catching up, laughing or getting deep — with someone you like every day. 

• Send the text already.

We often talk ourselves out of little kindnesses to others due to fear we’ll rejections or embarrassment. Plenty of studies show that doing the kind thing — sending the text, writing the thank-you note, extending the compliment — is so well received and makes you feel good, too. 

• Capture memories with little reflections.

The more you reflect on your life in a positive and honest way, the more you will realize that the little things are the big things — and they are good. Some people keep gratitude journals, others pray and still others voice their thoughts with friends.

• Start a club. Join a club.

A potential answer to the eternal question of “how do I make more friends in adulthood?” might be to join a club. It’s less risky to join a club or ask someone if they want to join your book club, running club or whatever club than to do something one-on-one. When there’s a schedule and an activity, there’s less room for either party to feel as though they’re contributing too much or not enough. 

• Just being there for someone who’s going through a tough time is enough.

When tragedy strikes and we’re called upon to support those we love, we often freeze. We’re afraid of doing or saying the wrong thing and further upsetting our already grieving friend. However, simply calling or texting a loved one and offering time is enough. 

• Make purposeful activities a regular part of your life.

To live more purposefully, think about the activities that you enjoy and that fulfill and motivate you, then try to fill your life in a way that allows you to make those things more habitual. 

• Give yourself permission and the courage to quit if necessary.

If you’re considering picking up a new hobby, good for you! But be sure to give yourself criteria for when you’ll let yourself quit and walk away with no guilt. For example, “I’m going to run the marathon unless, at some point, the medical staff tells me that I should stop.” What is the line you’d need to cross to give up on an endeavor? 

• Feel free to ignore all this advice if it doesn’t align with your life.

If some of the “good” advice you receive does not fit with your lifestyle, character and future goals, then it’s not for you. Learning to figure out what’s good for your life is challenging and meaningful.

What simple thought can enhance your life? 

Most of us want more from life, whether we admit it or not. More health, more happiness, more love, time, friends, freedom. One of the best ways to get “more” out of life is to adopt an abundance mindset. An “abundance mindset” is a way of thinking that opens you to success. When you think big (abundance) you take off the limits; when you think small (scarcity) you narrow your options. The capacity to think abundantly also promotes resilience. It makes you less prone to anxiety and fear-based action during uncertain times.

Unfortunately, most of us operate in “scarcity mode” which means we see so many limits instead of possibilities — thinking we don’t have or do enough or that we are not enough as people.

What is a good way to handle bad days?

Some days you just have to put a line through them, get rid of them as best you can and begin again. Everyone has bad days. Challenging days. Days you just want to forget about. Anyone who’s successful in any field will say you always have to get past the bad to get to the good. And one of the great lessons of life is that you don’t have to be feeling amazing to do great work.

Why should we quit comparing?

Theodore Roosevelt once said, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” When we compare ourselves to others, we often focus on what we don’t have or what we’re not good at, rather than on our own strengths, gifts and accomplishments. This can lead to feelings of insecurity and a sense that we’re not enough. Life is better when we focus on our own progress and growth, cultivate gratitude and enjoy the experiences and relationships that are right in front of us. Imagine that!

What is one of the most significant indicators of a good and successful life?

Consistency! It’s a boring concept — and it’s not even an exciting word — but consistency holds the power to transform our lives. Whether it’s pursuing a meaningful career, maintaining a healthy lifestyle, building beautiful relationships or learning a new skill, consistency ties directly into building habits that can positively change your behavior. When you’re consistent, you build the momentum you need to get (and stay) motivated and make progress. The trouble is, it’s challenging work.

What’s a straightforward way to end any argument? 

There are three words that can diffuse a big disagreement: “You’re probably right.”

“Those three words are incredibly powerful. They are the perfect way to end a discussion that’s not going anywhere,” says John Barrett, CEO of Western & Southern. “When you find yourself in disagreement with someone — who’s not interested in listening to a different point of view — it’s the best way to end things and walk away.”

“When you say, ‘you’re probably right,’ it gives you some power in the situation,” says Alvin Roehr, CEO of the Roehr Agency. “There’s also just enough ambiguity in the statement to make them feel as if they’re right, even though you haven’t truly admitted that. And there’s no real comeback to the statement.”

Why are we always hungry? 

• You need to get better sleep. 

“When we don’t sleep enough, it increases our hunger hormone, ghrelin, which can increase our appetite and make us think we’re more hungry than usual,” says Dr. Bill Barrett, medical director of the Barrett Cancer Center at UC. “Studies show that those who are sleep deprived are unable to resist sweet snacks and can eat nearly twice as much fat when they are exhausted.”     

• You’re not drinking enough water. 

“It’s normal to confuse thirst with hunger,” says Charlie Hall, CEO of Alpine Valley Water. “In order to make sure you are staying adequately hydrated, experts agree that you should be drinking about half of your body weight in ounces of water every day — especially on the job.”  

• You’re not fueling yourself with the right food.

“Your body needs a range of foods to feel full,” says Dr. Barrett. “There are three macronutrients — protein, carbohydrates and fat — and missing the mark on any of these could have a negative effect on satiety and fullness levels.”

• You’re just not eating enough.

“There are loads of factors that prevent us from eating enough to fuel our bodies throughout the day,” says Hall. “Maybe you’re training too hard, trying out a new limiting diet, or you skipped lunch because you were on deadline at work. Be sure you are getting enough to eat.”  

• You might just be emotionally hungry. 

“If you’ve eaten full meals all day and you’re still ravenous, take a step back and evaluate how you feel,” says Dr. Barrett. “Maybe it’s stress. Maybe it’s boredom. Sometimes emotional hunger can be confused with physical hunger.”

Olympian Julie Isphording is the director of the Western & Southern Thanksgiving Day Race, an author and keynote speaker. Her speeches — on stage, in a classroom or at a luncheon — include Olympic videos, unforgettable props, lots of laughter and a few tears. If you need a keynote, find her at julie.isphording@gmail.com.