Life Is Unfair (And That’s Okay!)

By Julie Isphording

Life is unfair. But you don’t have to be.

From the time we’re kids, we learn the word “fair.” We say it on playgrounds, in classrooms, and around dinner tables: “That’s not fair!” as if there’s a referee keeping score. But life doesn’t play by those rules.

Life doesn’t come in black and white. It’s painted in unpredictable Technicolor. And it’s never “normal.” But honestly, who wants to be “normal”? That’s just a setting on the washing machine.

The problem is that “fair” isn’t universal. My version might look completely different from yours. Some people are born with flawless genetics, while others face physical challenges. Some inherit wealth and connections; others start life with empty pockets and a steep climb ahead.

It’s easy to throw up your hands and say: Life isn’t fair. And you’d be right. But unfairness doesn’t mean hopelessness.

Life may not be fair, but it can still be great.

We all get to decide what we do with the hand we’re dealt with. Maybe you weren’t born into money, but you can build resilience. Maybe you don’t have Olympic-level genetics, but you can choose discipline and heart. Maybe you aren’t the loudest voice, but you can use your quiet influence to move people.

The goal isn’t to chase someone else’s version of fair. It’s to chase your own version of growth.

The real win isn’t being better than the person across the room—it’s being better than the version of yourself you were yesterday. Progress, not comparison. Growth, not envy.

When we stop demanding that life be fair, we free ourselves to live more fully. We stop keeping score and start playing the game. We stop waiting for balance and start building the life we want, even if the odds feel lopsided.

And when you wake up each day and give a little more, stretch a little further, care a little deeper—you’re winning.

Fair and square.

What phrases should you erase from a conversation to have healthier relationships?

1. “You’re overreacting.”
What people hear: “Your feelings don’t matter.”
This phrase shuts people down and breeds resentment. You don’t have to agree to validate—just listen and respect their perspective.

Try instead: “I want to understand how you’re feeling.”

2. “I don’t care.”
This lands as dismissive and disengaged. It suggests the person—or the relationship—doesn’t matter.

Try instead: “I’m flexible. Here are a couple of options I like.”
That small shift shows interest without demanding control.

3. “That’s just how I am.”
Translation: “I’m not willing to change.” It avoids accountability and blocks growth.

Try instead: “This is something I struggle with, but I’ll work on it.”
That shows maturity—and care.

4. “Whatever.”
Few words end a conversation faster. It’s cold, dismissive, and leaves others defensive and stuck.

Try instead: “I’m upset and need a minute before we talk.”
It’s honest without shutting the door.

5. “Calm down.”
This sounds condescending, like you’re talking to a child. It frames emotion as a problem instead of something to be heard.

Try instead: “I can see this is really upsetting. Let’s take a breath and talk.”

6. “I’m sorry you feel that way.”
That’s not an apology—it’s a deflection. It blames the other person’s sensitivity instead of owning your actions.

Try instead: “I’m sorry for what I did.”
A sincere apology takes responsibility.

7. “You always…” / “You never…”
Absolutes make people defensive. Even if you’re frustrated, these blanket accusations block real conversation.

Try instead: “When this happens, I feel…”
It’s not perfect, but it invites problem-solving.

8. “It’s fine.”
Usually code for “It’s not fine.” Left unsaid, those feelings pile up into resentment.

Try instead: “I’m not okay with this, but I’d like to talk later.”

9. “At least…”
Perspective can feel like dismissal. When someone’s hurting, they don’t need silver linings—they need empathy.

Try instead: “That sounds really hard. I’m here for you.”

10. “I told you so.”
This one’s pure ego. Even when you’re right, gloating builds walls, not trust.

Try instead: “I know this didn’t turn out how you hoped. How can I help?”

Why are you feeling so tired?

Fatigue isn’t just about sleep—it can come from your body, habits, mind, or even your relationships. Here are some common issues:

Physical / Medical

• Poor sleep quality — tossing, turning, waking up often.
• Sleep disorders — apnea, restless legs, chronic insomnia.
• Anemia — low iron makes oxygen delivery less efficient.
• Chronic illness — heart disease, thyroid issues, autoimmune flare-ups.
• Medications — fatigue as a side effect.
• Nutrient gaps — low B12, vitamin D, magnesium.
• Dehydration — even mild fluid loss drains energy.
• Hormonal shifts — menopause, perimenopause, low testosterone.

Lifestyle / Behavior

• Too much caffeine — spikes, then crashes.
• Poor diet — high sugar, low protein, processed foods.
• Sedentary habits — sitting too much actually makes you sluggish.
• Overtraining — exercise without recovery = burnout.
• Irregular sleep schedule — going to bed/waking at random times.
• Blue light at night — screens messing with melatonin.
• No fresh air — stuck indoors under artificial light.
• Alcohol — even small amounts wreck sleep cycles.

Mental / Emotional

• Stress overload — nervous system stuck in fight-or-flight.
• Depression or anxiety — emotional weight = physical fatigue.
• Emotional labor — always “keeping it together” for others.
• Burnout — giving without recharging.

Intellectual

• Decision fatigue — too many choices, not enough clarity.
• Multitasking — constant switching = mental drain.
• Lack of challenge — boredom masquerades as tiredness.
• Info overload — nonstop news, emails, notifications.
• Perfectionism — brain stuck in overdrive, never resting.

Social

• Draining relationships — always take, never give.
• Loneliness — lack of true connection wears you down.
• Overcommitment — saying “yes” too often.
• No support system — carrying heavy stuff alone.
• Comparison fatigue — social media highlight reels vs. your real life.

Olympic runner Julie Isphording is a writer, radio personality, Pilates studio owner, and speaker. Her talks on living a happy life include unforgettable props, lots of laughter, and a few tears. Write to her anytime at julie.isphording@gmail.com.