Hyde Park resident shares his take on this year’s Bengals team

Hyde Park resident Dr. William Faulkner has been an ophthalmologist with the Cincinnati Eye Institute (CEI) since 1980. He is semi-retired but still volunteers with the CEI Foundation.

He is also the eye doctor for the Cincinnati Bengals. Each year he prepares a report about his special patients and his take on the team, bringing a unique inside perspective for the season ahead. Football season is upon us. Here is his report for this season:

Cat-Scratch Fever

To fully elucidate the myriad signs and symptoms of this tragic ailment which afflicted the 6-11 Cincinnati Bengals in 2025, the checklist would be encyclopedic. Start with a defense again ranked at or near the bottom in multiple categories. Add two critical injuries to the franchise player and the sack leader. Factor in too many draft choice whiffs.

The founder, Paul Brown, was a genius in evaluating talent. Unfortunately, that was a hard act to follow, and ownership has been widely criticized for accepting mediocrity. With a career winning percentage of 44.8%, Zac Taylor (and the entire coaching staff) was given a strong endorsement by ownership two days after the season ended. Is this continuity truly a good idea considering none of the other three AFC North coaches will return including John Harbaugh (61.4% winning record) and Mike Tobin (62.8%)? Many of the players support the plan.

“He has  a lot of strengths….his demeanor, his overall personality, and the way he leads men is really good,” said Joe Flacco. Optimism blooms every spring like daffodils. The obvious reason this year is this startling fact: Our “cheap” Bengals uncharacteristically led the league in free agent spending ($200M) for six defensive players including one first round trade for the crown jewel, Giant Pro-bowl nose tackle, Dexter Lawrence II! 

Cincinnati Eye Institute doctors were again privileged to perform eye exams on rookies, May 7, and veterans, May 26.

[Trivia question:  What celebrity checked into the Washington Hotel on December 20, 1970, using the alias, Joe Burrows? ]

The rookie class also garnered kudos with most grades either A or B. Top pick (second rounder), dynamic defensive end (11.5 sacks) with an elite 9.88 RAS and SEC Defensive Player of the Year, Cashius Howell, may have fallen out of the first round due to “short arms.” His pass rush secret: “instinct and hard work.” Brian Parker II, Duke O lineman via Indian Hill and St Xavier, was projected as a third or fourth rounder but fell to the sixth. He is especially excited to be home with many friends, although his parents just moved to Naples.

Landon Robinson, Akron native and Navy defensive tackle, may be a 7th round gem. At 6’0″ and 295 pounds, he benches 465, squats 700, was first team All American, and has “arms of steel” according to Donald Trump. Undrafted Chris Jones is a mammoth 6’9″ San Diego state tackle seeing Ohio for the first time; he received a $50,000 signing bonus. Colbie Young wins the Most Gregarious award after introducing himself to everyone. As a 6’4” Georgia wide receiver, his size and physicality could create a mismatch problem for defenses. Connor Lew, 20 year old Auburn center who has already started in the SEC for 2 1/2 years, is a pilot and former wrestler but is rehabbing a knee injury. Former SMU safety and team captain, Isaiah Nwokobia, is very impressed by the Bengals’ food!

No fewer than six of the 23 players examined read all or part of the 20/10 line, a visual acuity seen in much less than one percent of the population. Although serious football eye injuries are uncommon, pickleball related eye injuries have increased dramatically in the last four years; 70% are in players > 50 years old. (JAMA)  USA Pickleball has NOT endorsed protective eyewear

Veteran paws: William Wagner’s Mother’s advice, “Always be nice to everyone.” Josh Johnson (QB) at age 40 is with his record 14th NFL team. Dexter Lawrence II drives a giant black Rolls Royce. Kris Jenkins keeps getting stronger – lifts 175 pounds in “Turkish Get-Up.” Gary Brightwell (RB), “another opportunity.” Ted Karras, “This is the year.” He hopes to play two or three more. Eric All, “We have all the potential, now just need to go out and do it.”      

That essentially sums it up. We still have an elite QB, healthy and in his prime, two Pro Bowl wide receivers, and a running back who had more yards than Saquon Barkley. Joe Burrow gave each member of his offensive line a rare dinosaur fossil as an end of the season gift for their improvement. Everyone is back, and draft reinforcements have been praised. Our young cornerbacks showed up: Dax Hill ranked second in tackles, and DJ Turner second in passes defensed. The emphasis on defense is nothing less than revolutionary. We are tied for the second easiest schedule and favored in 15 of 17 games. Still, naysayers will always exist, and fair-weather fans are a dime a dozen. We’re still the Bengals. But, “to dwell on things that depress and anger us does not help in overcoming them,” said Albert Einstein.

Miracles can happen on ice (US/USSR hockey, 1980) and on turf (Indiana University football, 2026). My prescription for Cat Scratch disease is Azithromycin, a Z pack should cure everything!

[Trivia answer: Elvis Presley, on a trip to ask President Nixon for a federal narcotics badge – request was granted.]

Photos provided.